Grandma Jody

My Grandma died on Saturday night. I'm finally home, at the end of spring break, and not looking forward to school tomorrow, or my interview on Wednesday. But mostly, I'm just sad. I'll type it all out now, because I think it will help me.

I stayed with my mom from Saturday-Tuesday. She couldn't drive or lift anything because of her surgery, so I was chauffer back and forth to the hospital for four days. On Tuesday my Grandma came home on hospice. We had to be there at all times to give her morpine and feed her, but there were no treatment options. Tuesday night my Brother drove home from the Army, and Tim came straight up after work. Wednesday her two closest brothers came from Arizona, and said their goodbyes. And Tim left Wednesday night. So that's when I started sleeping at my grandparents house to help around the clock.

Thursday morning was the last time my grandma was coherent. After we (my family) had breakfast together I went to check on her, and I started crying when she waved and said, "Hi sweetheart." I told her I was sorry I was being so weak. She told me, "No, you have been the strong one not crying, so you can cry now," and, "You don't like potatoes." She was still trying to make me laugh.

On Saturday I planned to go home, but the day went on and I just couldn't leave. At five o'clock, my "at the latest to leave" time, I started sobbing because I couldn't leave. I just kept saying I cant imagine a world where she doesn't exist. My Aunt got out the good champagne and we had a toast to grandma. She died 3 hours later with my Mom and Aunt holding her hand. I could feel her presense gone from the house. All our family was there (minus my DH, my Mom's DH, and my Aunt's SO, who were all working), so we all held eachother and cried ourselves out. Tim came up immediately and we stayed the night.

I cried so much I lost a contact, but I haven't cried since that night. It's like I can't comprehend that she is gone, and yet I feel closure and hapines that she is not in pain anymore. My Grandpa seems ok, he's the strongest one of us all. Except that he had a minor stroke Saturday morning that we are all upset about. We are having a celebration of my Grandma's life next Sunday, so that should help with closure.

My grandma went out the way she lived life, very stubbornly, and at an alarmingly fast rate.